Life On The Other Side

It’s wonderful to see men enjoying fatherhood. Two of my husband’s college friends emailed us to let us know their wives had given birth. Both couples and their newly born baby girls are doing fine and just in time for their first Christmas. My husband eagerly called them to send our congratulations and to let them know that, he too, would soon be a father. I gathered from overhearing the conversations there were lots of excitement all around. I’m sure it’s exciting to see the changes they’ve all gone through since their early days of college. Most of my husband’s friends are married and have children now. Only one of his friends is neither married or has any children. Before I came into the picture, I suspect my hubby and this last single frined wondered who would be the “last man standing.” I think to some degree, the hubby was relieved it wasn’t him but then again it just happened that way. Don’t think that he would get married so that he didn’t have to be the last one out there.

On the other hand, several of my college friends are still unmarried with no children. Of the ones married, they don’t have any children. What does that say when it comes of men versus women? While not all of my college friends are women, most of them are. In fact, most of my college women friends are older than I am. I used to wonder if I would ever get married but I never felt the pressure to since most of my friends were not. I think you feel the pressure when you start getting together with your friends and they show up with boyfriends or girlfriends and eventually spouses and children. I am sorry to say that I haven’t had the opportunity to meet some of my friend’s spouses or children because I rarely get back home to Hawaii. And even when I do, the trip is usually short and not convenient for friends that work. I hope that changes and the hubby and I can go there soon either before or soon after the baby is able to.

I have some really great friends. They have basically been around whether we’ve kept in touch regularly or not. That was even more evident when I celebrated my wedding in June. I had friends who came and I had friends who couldn’t come but acknowledged my day. Unfortunately, I have one friend who I haven’t heard from since I told her I was getting married last year. She and I have been friends since my very first semester in college although we were never roommates nor took any classes together. She was actually a friend of a friend who became a good friend of mine. Sure we’ve had our rough times but we’ve always kept in touch somehow whether it was the occasional phone call, occasional email, or even a greeting card or two. This has been the longest we’ve gone without any type of communication.

This friend is six years older than I am and always seemed put together. She’s smart, pretty, independent, opinionated, family-oriented and adventurous. And she was always a good friend. We spent quite a bit of time together after my ex-boyfriend and I broke up sometime in my third year of college. She was always around to talk and to give the best advice she could give. She is the type of woman who always had a boyfriend as well and could pretty much go out with anyone she wanted to. But as far as having long lasting relationships, well, she never seemed to get to that elusive place whether it was true love or true commitment. I never thought much about it because I figured it was her independence that kept her from it.

A few years ago, she met a younger man who was about 10 years her junior. She had completed college courses in computing and they met in the computer lab. He was rather shy as I understood but bold enough to ask her out. I met him once and he seemed like a nice enough guy. After being in a relationship for a few years (more than any other guy before), she mentioned they might move and it sounded like they were really solidifying her relationship. She even visited me while I lived in Las Vegas and was interested in attending law school there while her boyfriend would get his MBA.

When I emailed her last fall to tell her about meeting the hubby for the first time, she mentioned that she had found her own true love. However, the person she mentioned was not this younger boyfriend. I was a bit stunned and caught off guard. Of course, I emailed her back to ask her who this person was. She said he was a co-worker who, one night during a company happy hour, caught her eye and she felt something. I can’t remember her exact words but all I remember was that she said he was her true love and that as hard as it was, she had to be true to her heart. She broke up with the younger boyfriend and opted for a guy closer to her age who was in the midst of a divorce.

While I was happy that she openly could say this man was the love of her life and that with him she was truly happy, I had mixed feelings. To this day I can’t pinpoint what I felt. She was still my friend and as long as she was happy that was okay. A few months later I sent out my wedding invitations including one to her. I never heard anything back, not even a decline. I was truly disappointed and hurt. I thought at the least she would acknowledge my happy occasion but she never did. I’m not sure what she is doing today but as I think about sending out Christmas cards, I wonder if I should include her. In a way I want to because I hope by some miracle I will hear from her. The funny part is that I really don’t expect to.

I was feeling a bit blue at the beginning of this week knowing that my family is where they always are this time of the year and I am not there. In addition to missing my family, I miss my friends too. They were all wondering if I would be coming out and unfortunately I wasn’t able to make it. I know they understand and I know my family understands but sometimes my own emotional self doesn’t understand. Despite my slight case of the blues, I am thankful for so many things… my wonderful hubby who continues to be the most patient and understanding man in the world (I am truly a lucky woman); my mom for being my mom and my friend; my brother for being there when I need him the most but for not being a “big brother” in my new life as a married woman; my new family (the in-laws) for being just as wonderful as my own family; my aunt and uncle for being like a second set of parents to me; my close close friends (B&W, R&R, J) who are more like family than just friends; and my other close friends (too many to note) who continue to be around even when too much time passes by between calls, letters, or visits. Oh and I can’t forget the one person who has seen in all in the last 10 years or so, yeah, the cat. She’s been my constant companion through the good times and the bad times. She may be a bit grouchy at times but she’s really very sweet. There are a couple of other things I am thankful for that I will soon reveal in the coming weeks. Life is pretty good around here. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving readers!

I had a great weekend with my friend visiting but somehow got sick over the weekend. Actually I think I caught what the hubs had about a week and a half ago although mine is much milder than what he experienced. Or is it that women are just better at being sick than men? The weekend with my friend was great as we traded more stories about our weddings, our married lives, husbands, in-laws, and so on. She said she had a fun time and this is probably the first time in a long time we’ve spent time together. Plus she hadn’t really met the hubs or talked to him except briefly at my wedding and briefly at her encore wedding. I’m sure she was a bit curious about the fact that I met someone and married them in less than two years while she was together with her hubby for five years before tying the knot. But that happens and even I can’t explain it.

As far as being sick, I haven’t been sick like this in a while. It’s mostly a sore throat, feeling achy and feeling tired. I don’t have a runny or stuffy nose or congestion, thank goodness. I’m sure this will pass in a few days but it’s never fun being sick. I usually get sick when the seasons change and the season is changing big time here right now. In some places the leaves are falling a lot faster than others and I can’t wait until it’s cold all the time. I think the fall can be just as romantic as the spring. It’s great weather for snuggling with the one you love.

Nothing much going on for us this month as far as traveling or visitors. It’ll be nice to rest for awhile and get other things done.

For now my need to have a good friend around is quelled. One of my friends is in town this week for work and decided to extend her weekend and spend a little time with us and getting to know the place I have come to call my home. Like myself, she recently got married and to a southern boy as well though they make their home in San Francisco where they met. But unlike myself, she has known her husband for about five or more years and lived with him for about two before tying the knot.

It’s been fun trading stories about our weddings, the aftermath, our new in-laws and, of course, our new husbands. She was able to attend my wedding in L.A. while I wasn’t able to attend her official wedding in Hawaii a month later. But she did have an “encore” wedding and reception in the hometown of her husband’s parents which we were able to drive to last month. I am just relieved that my in-laws did not insist that we have another wedding or reception in their hometown; one wedding and reception is hard enough to plan.

We haven’t quite planned anything out for the weekend though I know my friend is not the type of person that needs to plan out her time here. She is content doing or not doing anything in particular. There are a few ideas on the agenda but we’ll have to see what will float our boat. She leaves early on Sunday so there’s not much time to plan for.

We had a quiet weekend preparing for our first official visitor as a couple in our home. My friend will be in town a few days before coming to stay with us a couple of nights. There’s not much she requested to do except eat some “Carolina bbq” and at some other good restaurants. Unfortunately we’re at a loss as to where to go since we don’t try many new restaurants ourselves. The ones we’ve gotten around to trying and liked or rather the hubby has tried and liked are restaurants that are chains (i.e. PF Changs, Maggiano’s). We’ve been to a couple of Charlotte restaurants but nothing really that stands out. The hubby did suggest taking her to a sushi place which I immediately shot down because she is coming from San Francisco which has probably some of the best sush restaurants. I think the ones here pale in comparison especially since our raw fish doesn’t look fresh to me. There are a few places I’ve heard about but haven’t tried so we might venture there. In truth, there aren’t many opportunities to eat while she is here so there isn’t much to worry about. She does like coffee or rather chai tea now, so we’ll visit a couple of coffee places that aren’t chains that I know about.

Life has been especially stressful for me this year and I don’t necessarily mean stressful in a bad way. If you’ve ever taken one of those life stress tests, you know what I mean. Anything in your life can be stressful, even a happy event such as a marriage. I’ve had my share of stressful events this year: moving, marriage and medical. When I took the test, I scored 250 which is in the middle; I am neither low nor high on the stress scale. In any case, I’ve endured some stress. It’s been a little hard for me living away from the friends I’ve made over the past few years and I haven’t made any friends here yet. Yes, sad to say or even admit to the fact that I have no friends outside of the hubby here. I don’t even know where to begin to make friends here and I don’t have a job yet. I guess I’ve been a little depressed and it’s been affecting the way I approach my life right now. I’ve applied for a few jobs but I should be applying for more and every day. I hate to say this but part of me just doesn’t have the drive to find a job right now and while it’s not too much of a problem, it will become one soon enough. Believe me, I am totally aware of it.

Don’t get me wrong. I love the time I spend with the hubby (my best friend) but a girl needs her girlfriends and no one I’ve met, of the few people I’ve met, have even come close to the kind of friends I’d like to have around me. I’m not saying that to be conceited or arrogant, but it’s true. When you’ve found your friends, especially girlfriends, it’s hard find replacements. So I’m glad that one of my friends will be in town next week even for a few days. She’s sneaking in some time on a business trip to spend a few days with me. While our friendship has waxed and waned over the last few years, this past year it gained its strength again and I’m happy to say that we’ve found a happy medium. I’m glad for that and it’s taken a little while for it to be where it’s at. It’ll be fun to spend time just hanging out with a woman friend again.

Over the weekend, the hubby and I drove to Nashville to attend an “encore” wedding of one of my friends. Neither of us have ever really been to Nashville meaning we’ve never really stopped and stayed. I would guess that neither of us would put Nashville on our list of “must-go again.” Of course we weren’t really there to vacation but I’m not sure you would want to go there to vacation in the first place. The encore wedding ceremony which turned out to be a confirmation of vows was really for the groom’s family and friends who could not make the original wedding in Hawaii. Well the hubby and I couldn’t either so this was our way of joining in on the celebration. The ceremony was brief and not entirely formal with a viewing of a DVD made by the couple. The baby pictures and the formal wedding portion of the DVD was great but the “music video” part was a bit too cheesy for me even though I, myself, had only gotten married a couple of months ago. It’s not something the hubby and I would think of doing, thankgoodness. Following the ceremony was a BBQ luncheon in the church hall. The whole affair was very Nashville. I’m sure my friend would not have done something like this if it wasn’t for her husband and his family. Overall it was very nice.

Nashville itself doesn’t appeal to me. Yes there are a lot of historical sites and things to do but nothing in particular I really wanted to do. And the things I would have even considered didn’t fall into our schedule so we did the things we like best: shopping and watching movies. At least we can say we came, we saw and we conquered (sort of) Nashville.