Life On The Other Side

I know it’s been almost a week since my last post. I can’t say that I’ve been extremely busy though I’ve spent some time consoling a good friend from afar who is having “boy” troubles. While it seems that their relationship has almost “bit the dust,” it isn’t quite dead. Talking to her reminded me of my past “boy” troubles and how long ago that all seemed. Somehow it seems appropo to talk about it being the month of February with Valentine’s Day just around the corner. I don’t know how many women or even men can forget their first love especially when they are no longer with that person? It seems that first love leaves an indelible impression on us throughout our lives. It’s not to say that that person was the right one for us in any way. I know for myself, that person wasn’t the one to spend the rest of my life with nor would I ever change what happened. I lived, I loved and I lost, but I also survived. It’s difficult to get across to my friend right now that she will survive and that for whatever reason it was a good thing this relationship didn’t work for her. While she laments over the fact that he could have been the one, I tell her that if he was the one he would have been. She’s a bit younger than I am (she, 27 while I’m 36) but feels so ready for the next phase of her life = marriage, kids, the whole nine yards. When I was 27, I was still figuring out where my life was headed and it wasn’t until I was 34 that the prospect of marriage, kids and the whole nine yards became apparent. It wasn’t because I was finally ready to settle down but because it was the right time to meet the right person. That’s what I tell my friend: you’ll meet the right person and you’ll know that he is the one for you. In this present relationship, she feels second place, unimportant, always trying but never getting anywhere, not ever happy, etc., etc. I told her that a relationship has its ups and downs but that she should feel happy about it and not questioning every single thing. I know things will work itself out that way it should for her.

I know after the break up with my first love, I felt like my world was crumbling. I never thought I would be able to move on but I did. I don’t know how long I was heartbroken but it did take a long time for me to heal. I don’t even mean from the immediate break up but from the hurt and doubt in myself. Admittedly, I was scared when I began having strong feelings for the hubby. I can’t believe after several years, the hurt from this first love relationship could affect me still. But I realized that it was because I was in love. I didn’t just like the hubby but that I was in love with him. As beautiful as love can be, it was also be a cruel reminder of how our world can be shattered in an instant. So while I was scared, I also realized that I could love the way I loved before and that this person loved me the way I should be loved. He makes me the center of his universe and with him I feel deeply loved and protected. So while I don’t regret my first love, it is really this love that matters. It’s everyday and not only days like Valentine’s Day that I remember how lucky I am. I hope my friend can find this type of love and realize that she deserves more that she is getting right now.